As I keep battling anxiety, I have been trying to deal with the root cause of it. I have tried so hard to figure it out so I can release it and let it go. I gave myself a GREAT talking to the other day and I think I may be on to something.
I’ve mentioned in the past my need to “people please” so that I am liked. I’ve mentioned in the past how my parents were never really good at guiding, counseling and supporting me the way a parent should. I’ve mentioned in the past how I’ve always felt like the outsider in most settings, family, friends, social and work. I’ve always felt the need to say “yes” to please others while neglecting my own needs.
I’ve done ALL of this for fear of rejection. Growing up and feeling rejection from your own parents leaves a large hole in one’s soul. It really brings life to such a negative place that you can waste a lifetime thinking you can “fix it” and guess what, you can’t. It has taken me 57 years on this planet to figure this out. The moment the reality of it all hits you in the face, you awaken to all the damage.
Now how do you get past this point? How do you start to get it all turned around in your favor? Honestly, I’m not sure yet, but I have an idea. The first thing I need to do is Stop believing the lies. What lies are those? I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.
Lie #1 – You aren’t a failure –
Just because things haven’t gone to plan. Just because something hasn’t worked out. Just because your business hasn’t succeeded, doesn’t mean you’re a failure. What that means is that you at least tried. Now take the experience and improve on it. Learn what you should have done, not done or maybe just done better. You’re not a failure, you are someone willing to try.
Lie #2 – You are loved –
Unconditional love is the best love in the world, unfortunately I have experienced very little of that in my life. Fortunately my wife and daughter have given me that and I get an over flowing amount of that from my precious grandchildren. Have have spent a majority of my life dwelling on the ones I should have received it from and not celebrating where I was receiving it is where I made a big mistake.
Lie #3 – You are worth it.
I have spent so much of my life feeling worthless, out of place and lacking true direction. I have just floated through life with no true guidance having to figure it out on my own and making mistake after mistake along the way. No parents to rely on and feeling alienated from everyone. I think this lie is the biggest of all and the one that has hurt me the most. I AM WORTH IT!
Now that I have shared what I believe to be three of the biggest lies, I have a lot to do to get past it. I have started that processes by realizing they aren’t true but now I must train myself to accept and live the truth. The truth I will find starts with my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father.
My healing begins. My journey continues. I search for the faith and love in myself.