I’m continuing to evaluate my mental health and working hard to improve it. I have been living in a mental fog for over a decade and sentenced myself to self isolation. I have little to no social life. Friends have disappeared and I have no family relationships, other than my wife and daughter.
I have lost joy in most things in life because I can’t afford the thing that always brought me joy. I sit in my self imposed depression watching everyone else around living life while I sit here stuck. Stuck in an endless circle of self pity and hate. Angering myself at a past that I can’t change and panicking over a future that hasn’t happened. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I realize life will never be perfect. I realize continually beating myself up for all of my past mistakes, is getting me nowhere. I need to stop in the present and look around at the gifts I do have. Appreciate the moment and if I catch myself looking at the future, realize it’s awesome possibilities.
It is time for JOY. It is time for HAPPINESS. It is time I raise my head enjoy this life God has given me. I need to let go of the anxiety that is consuming me. I need to face my demons, face my misfortunes, but most of all admit my wrongs and move forward.
What has spurred this on, my job. I have been working housekeeping in a hospital. When I work on the weekends, I am in the ICU and it is a sad place to be especially during this pandemic. I see people facing the end of their life and it is too hard to handle. I imagine that it is me in the room and how sad it would be if my life ended today. ITS TIME TO WAKEUP!
So now it’s time to make choices. So here is what I choose.
1. Faith. Live my life as my higher power would want me to. My higher power is God. God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. I will renew and grow my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
2. Health. Without good health the rest won’t matter. I started this blog for my journey to a better health, physical and mental. Time to make this priority a top priority.
3. Live, Laugh, Love. I haven’t done any of these who heartedly for longer than I can remember. I need to return to the fun loving man I was and always ready for a new adventure.
This is where I’ll start. Working on these areas of my life will lead to improvement in all other areas of my life. I’m ready to start now. As soon I post this I am getting up and heading to a local park for a walk and let the healing begin.
So who is with me? Time to get a grip on life. Time to enjoy this life. Accountability is key so I’m making myself accountable to those that read this blog. I can’t and WILL do this. It’s all on our choices.