Anxiety Go Away

I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I feel as though I fell asleep one day and the life I had and knew is now gone. I have awakened to a life that is everything I ever feared and more. It sickens me to know I have gotten to where I’m at and I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN!

My business, my finances, my career, my life and my marriage all seem to be heading towards ruin. My ability to do what’s right has been stopped by fear. Fear of so many different things has stopped me from succeeding in life and I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN!

I have been through counseling for over 20 years off and on. I went through an intensive outpatient program 18 months ago for depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have been given tools and medication to help “control” it. Bad things just keep on occurring and I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN!

Yes, I allowed it to happen so I need to be the one to reverse it all. Find my joy and happiness. Live a life where a panic attack doesn’t strike me multiple times a day. I need to train my mind not to swim in my mistakes of the past. Dwell on all of my lost relationships. Constantly relive all the wrong that has happened to me and the wrong I have done to others. I need to quit becoming paralyzed by my fear of what the future might hold if things don’t change.

I need to quit beating myself up for not providing for my family for so many years. I need to quit living the lie that I was told that I would never amount to anything. I have to let go of all the ugliness of my childhood and realize it is NOT my fault. I do have to admit my errors and mend whatever fences that I can.

I have to lift my heart to my higher power and begin the healing. I need tho lift my heart to my higher power and strengthen my hope and faith. I need to lift my heart to my higher power and truly speak the words of forgiveness of myself. My wife reminds me that not being able to forgive myself is a sin.

My journey to a happy and healthier me continues. My physical health is greatly affected by my mental health so it’s time to get it in check. I need for this anxiety to take a hike. I want to sometime in the near future post about my joy and happiness and I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.

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